Positive Voice Blog

More Confident Public Speaking

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 11:15:00 GMT

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How to ALWAYS be on time

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:22:00 GMT

The interesting thing about language is that it reveals a lot about the speaker. As you may know, some people move 'away from' pain whilst others 'move towards' pleasure. This may sound like the same thing to you, but I can assure you that it is not. As the unconscious mind cannot tell the difference between a positive and a negative, moving away from pain can be translated as moving ‘towards pain’. This was a revelation for me and something I spent many hours considering. You may wish to bookmark this page and come back to it.

To use the example of punctuality: A ‘towards’ person, would move towards that great feeling of being on time, perhaps even with the excitement of the meeting in question, in mind. They would say things like 'I must be on time'. Whereas, an ‘away from’ person would worry about being late and move away from being late, whilst thinking about all the things that would happen if they were late and how their whole day would be messed up. They may spend moments or hours contemplating this. Such a person would say things like 'I must not be late'. As you now know, they are not actually moving away from being late, as that is impossible. Due to the fact that the unconscious mind cannot process negatives, they are in fact preparing to fail just by thinking about being late!

So, it is much better to think about all the great things that can be achieved by arriving on time. Perhaps you can sit down somewhere and listen to music on your ipod or phone or get a tea or coffee in a café. I shall leave it up to you to think of some compelling reasons to be on time. Remember to put them in the positive.

Exercise:

Make a list of all the things you move ‘away from’.

Draw a line through the words ‘away from’ and write 'towards' because there is no such thing as moving away from anything. It is an impossible function of the brain.

Make a new list of all the new thought processes you have to ‘move towards’. Underneath each one, write a detailed list of all the wonderful things you will have to look forward to now.

Public Speaking and Confidence Boosting Workshop - 26th and 27th May 2012

Confidence is Easier When you Trust Yourself

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 09:45:00 GMT

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Wed, 04 Apr 2012 08:57:00 GMT

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Public Speaking & Confidence Boosting

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:12:00 GMT

You Can Only Change Yourself

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:18:00 GMT

I often work with clients who struggle with work relationships. Often they feel bullied or insecure. In fact, I hear this from 75% of my coaching clients.

My answer is always the same; you cannot change others, you can only change yourself. When I first started studying Neuro Linguistic Programming, this was incredibly difficult for me to take in. How could I change the way others behaved towards me simply by changing myself? The answer lies in the energy that you send out. Have you ever walked into a room and instantly known that something was wrong?

Well, maybe someone you have difficulty with sensed that from you and took it personally, which in turn changed their behaviour towards you, which in turn changed your behaviour towards them. You can see how this can be a downward spiral.

One of the best things you can do is to change the way you feel about this other person. When you do this, your energy becomes lighter and they respond accordingly.

How to do this?

I use a couple of methodologies. My favourite is a clever sequence of questions. They vary according to the situation, but here are some suggestions:

Are you acting out of love or fear?
(All positive emotions can be construed as love and all negative as fear.)
Is the other person involved acting out of love or fear?
See the situation through their eyes. How would you feel?
Are you really right?
(We have an inherent desire to be right, which often causes us to sabotage our happiness.)
What positives can you see here?
(There is always something. You will find it if you look carefully enough - the Dalai Lama says that Chairman Mao was his greatest teacher as he taught him to be more humble. We learn so much from those who challenge us.)
Are you taking things personally?
(Another's behaviour is never about you; even if they say it is. Whatever has happened between you will be the 'straw that broke the camel's back'. Perhaps they have experienced something similar before and this incident brings up old feelings.

In addition to this style of questioning, I find journalling is a great help. When we talk about a problem, we do just that 'talk about the problem'. When writing our brains are much more solution focused.

Have a go: sit down and just write until you feel better.

The Rhetorical Question Technique

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 13:23:00 GMT

Yesterday I was teaching a 6 year old child to improve his voice and confidence. I don’t usually work with children this young, but he is home schooled and incredibly intelligent.

I taught him a couple of little techniques and gave him an impromptu topic to speak about. So, he had no preparation time, just the structure for a good presentation. I obviously had to keep it really simple, as he is only 6 years old. The process I gave him worked really well, so I thought I would share it with you.

Ask a ‘special question’: This is just a rhetorical question/ normal question/ raise your hand if…

He seemed to love the ‘raise your hand if’ option and beamed each time he asked the question, raising his own hand, as I had (Children like fun things and SO do adults)

“ Raise your hand if you like Spiderman” (one example)

A story about you and the topic. The more detail you can add in, the better.

A question about the audience and the topic- in the future.

“I wonder whether you will still like Superman in the future?”

As I said, this is so simple that even a 6 year old can do it. You can obviously add in more interaction and rhetorical questions or even quotes. Questions show a high regard for your audience and help them to relate the topic to themselves. This is my reasoning for placing one at the beginning and one at the end. This draws the audience in and then leaves them with something to reflect on.

For more detailed methods about public speaking, click on: Previous blogs

You are what you think!

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 11:21:00 GMT

Have you ever heard the saying, 'you are the sum of your experiences'? Well, let's add to that 'and your thoughts'. Since every emotion begins with a thought, the best way to change how you feel is to change what you think. Now, you have to be very committed to change because it will take a certain amount of practice. Your mind is no different to your physical body, it requires training.

Start by looking for the positives in every situation. 'I don't have any plans this weekend' could become 'great; i can stay in and watch a good film' or, in my case, 'I can get on with writing my book' (yes, I'm writing a book).

I am of the mentality that every cloud has a silver lining...

In my opinion, you really are what you think!

So, if you really don't like how you feel, shift your focus and change your thoughts. As you become more positive, you will see that your experiences will start to improve too.

Positive Voice

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 10:35:00 GMT

You do not have to look far to find war and negativity, do you? There is always something atrocious being reported on the news - if you care to watch it. Indeed, most of us spend the majority of our days warring with ourselves!

Until we, as individuals, can find peace of mind, how can we expect society as a whole to live in harmony?

The most amazing thing I've found about enthusiasm is that it is infectious! By simply being more positive, you will find that people enjoy being around you and will come to you for advice because you won't be putting energy into their problems, you'll be looking for solutions. If you were to inspire just 5 people and they were to do the same (and so on), you could create quite an impact, couldn't you?

The place to start is your thoughts. Make an agreement today to think only positive thoughts. All you need do is catch yourself when you find yourself being negative and smile - this in itself will take the edge off any negative dialogue. Another great place to start is by repeating a mantra, such as 'I am powerful beyond all belief'. The more often you repeat your mantra, the better you will feel. The best time is just before bed; in order to make your dreams as sweet as possible and first thing in the morning; so that you start your day in the right mood.

I use this one because most people only use a fraction of their ability - this is often because they lack self belief. So, you see, It is important to remind yourself how incredible you are, isn't it?

Your Authentic Voice

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:40:00 GMT

One of my greatest passions is authentic communication. You may wonder what I mean by this... One only has to listen to an automated message to understand. The one thing that can't be replaced by a machine, is the emotional connection one feels when someone is speaking from the heart.

I often meet people who mistakenly believe that raising their voice gives them an appearance of confidence. In fact, speaking overly loudly can be as detrimental as speaking in a timid manner. An overly loud voice can be jarring on the ear and generally unsettling. Conversely, a soft, calm voice reassures and makes people feel comforted.

Have you ever noticed how close you feel to someone when consoling them after a bereavement or honestly giving your opinion during a heart to heart discussion? During these occasions, the voice actually resonates in the chest around the heart, so you are quite literally speaking from the heart. A great example of this style of speaking is the conscious, evolutionary author, Nicolya Christi.

It is for this reason, that I ask my public speaking students to choose their topics wisely. If you really want to make an impact, speak only about that which you are passionate.

Self Fulfilling Prophecy

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:00:00 GMT

When I was at college studying Sociology, I came across a theory known as 'the self fulfilling prophecy'. It was used in conjunction with case studies about children who were labelled as 'smart' or academically 'weak'. One such study was performed whereby a new teacher was told that a certain group of children were academic 'achievers' when in fact they were in an 'average' ability stream. These children fulfilled this label by getting higher results.

Recently, I found myself labelling my sister, as having an excellent memory. My mum often calls her 'an elephant' (apparently elephants have good memories). On this occasion, she miraculously remembered someone's name when she had met the person for all of 10 minutes 3 years previously! The same day I copied her in on an email, her response was 'they don't call you a communications expert for nothing'!

This comment reminded me about the 'self fulfilling prophecy'. Only, on this occasion, I had created the label. I remember feeling tentative about introducing myself at networking events a few years ago - was I really an expert in my field? A few years down the line and I feel much more congruent when marketing myself. You see, labels can become like mantras. If you repeat something enough times, with enough certainty, it becomes your reality.

My challenge to you, is to reassess the way you talk about yourself. This doesn't have to mean giving yourself a label or a title, it can be as simple as speaking more positively about yourself. Some of you may remember my blog about the time I so cleverly reminded myself to 'forget my trainers' :) this shows us what happens when we are not careful with our language.

Do Your Nerves Define You?

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:01:00 GMT

There is a wonderful belief within the thinking of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) that we are not our behaviour.

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, it took me a long time to fully understand this.

Interestingly, we define people all the time: she is clever, he is shy, she is chatty... These are all just strategies. I shall clarify what I mean by this, at various intervals throughout our lives we develop 'coping strategies'. At school, some people become the 'class clown' or 'bully', others become a 'teacher's pet'. These strategies help them to function in some way. Often, teachers, family and peers confirm these strategies by labelling people in this way.

A strategy can be formed in response to a trauma. One such as fear or anxiety is your body's way of warning you that you're going to get hurt... Interestingly, strategies tend to stick- especially when we keep reconfirming them. It is unlikely that a strategy formed whilst we are at primary school would still be relevant once you enter the working world.

You may be wondering what can be done to create new strategies?

Intention is key here. A great mantra is 'confidence can be learned' or 'With every day that passes, I am becoming more and more confident in every way.' A change in the way that you speak to yourself would be incredibly beneficial.

There are lots of other strategies on my website. It doesn't matter which one you use, the important thing is that you use one that works for you.

Positive Language

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 11:20:00 GMT

Towards the end of last year I was reminded of the importance of language.

I got up early one Saturday morning for a session with my personal trainer. I had packed my bag the night before and left my trainers by the front door.

Before I went to bed on Friday night, I said 'I mustn't forget my trainers'. When I woke up in the morning, I said to myself 'I mustn't forget my trainers' and when I went into the kitchen, I found my housemate's girlfriend making a cup of tea, and said... 'I mustn't forget my trainers' not once, but at least 3 times. Surprise, surprise, I then left the house without my trainers and had to do my workout in just socks!

Now, this may just sound like careless behaviour to you, but there is a much more interesting explanation. The unconscious mind - the part of your brain that does all the things you don't have to consciously think about, such as pumping your heart and regenerating your cells, cannot tell the difference between a positive and a negative. 'Do not forget' therefore becomes 'Do forget'!

So, if I say 'Do not think of a purple pig', It becomes impossible to get the purple pig out of your mind.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because thoughts become things. I think it is time that we had more healthy life-enriching thoughts, don't you?

Moving from Problem to Solution

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 10:48:00 GMT

In society there are two extremes - those who focus on problems and those who focus on solutions.

The ones who focus on problems are usually coming from a position of lack. They are often fairly negative and greatly affected by their environment and experiences. They like to blame other people.

Paradoxically, the ones who focus on solutions often see abundance. They are positive and rise above any negative experiences. They see the challenging people around them as their teachers.

You may be surprised to hear that both types of people are merely operating strategies. A strategy is simply a methodology, a technique that one implements to get through an experience. Your strategies do not define you - the seven dwarfs were so unfortunate when they were defined by their behaviour because those labels merely served to reinforce their strategies. I do sometimes wonder whether Sleepy would still be sleepy if you changed his name. What do you think?

You can decide to change your behaviour today. Start by seeing the solutions to all your challenges. They are out there. All you need to do is look.

What is Your Story?

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 09:57:00 GMT

What would you say if I told you that you were constantly re-affirming your strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes? In affect, you are constantly creating (and if you are pro-active; re-creating) yourself.

When someone asks you whether you are a good dancer, what do say?

When someone asks you whether you are good with your finances, what do you say?

When someone asks you whether you are a confident speaker, what do you say?

Look at your answers and ask yourself whether they are a reflection of your reality?

You see, you have within yourself two parts: the 'Thinker' and the 'Prover': what the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves.

If you say to yourself often enough that 'you can do something', this will become your reality. Equally, if someone else tells you that you are not good at something, if you believe them, then this can also become your reality. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, speaks about how parents and teachers often cast 'black magic' on children by telling them what they can and can not do, by encouraging or discouraging them.

I often encounter people who believe that they cannot dance, or sing, or speak in public. If you are one of these people, I challenge you by suggesting that the only thing stopping you from fulfilling your potential is your beliefs about your ability. If you change your beliefs, then and only then, will you be able to change your reality.

You are not just the sum of your experiences, as I often say; you are the sum of your thoughts, feelings and words about these experiences.

So, in order to start changing your reality, start changing your thoughts, feelings and words!

You may well ask me how you can do this. My answer:

STOP

REJECT

RE PHRASE, RE THINK, RE FEEL!

This may not come easily, but do you think it was easy for Sir Edmund Hilary to climb Mount Everest when it had never been done before? Not easy perhaps, but definitely worth it!