Do you prepare yourself to succeed... Or to fail?
Some of my clients find their minds go off on autopilot, imagining their greatest fears becoming a reality.
I wonder whether you have ever considered the repercussions of such a strategy?
Do you know that it is possible to upgrade your strategies for ones that are more conducive to bringing you happiness?
When a dog is being trained, it's master will keep pulling on the lead until eventually the dog walks obediently by their side. Your mind can be treated in a very similar way. Every time you find your head filled with thoughts that are less than positive, check yourself. Smile, laugh or take a deep breath... and then create a more uplifting thought.
I often question myself: 'Is this thought helping me?' 'What can I be thankful for right now?'
I find gratitude to be one of the most powerful strategies. Another is humour. I laugh at myself ALL the time. After all it is not about not feeling negative emotions, it is about letting go of them as quickly as possible!
Have a lovely Christmas. Touch as many people as possible with your humour and gratitude. Remember that you can't possibly give something to someone else without feeling it yourself (a smile, a hug, a thank you or a bless you!)
Positive Voice Blog
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Posted on Wednesday, December 14, 2011 by Positivevoice
When I read advice about communication skills which dates back to the time of Aristotle (that's 2300 years ago), I am shocked by how little some of these theories are put into practice today.
We're taught to read, write and spell at school, but very little attention is paid to the art of spoken communication. I often find myself asking how this can be?
Aristotle put a big emphasis on pathos (empathy) and ethos (sincerity). Let's look at these two qualities in more depth.
In my opinion, one of the best ways to show empathy is through listening and generally showing an interest in others. You see, everyone has an inherent need to be valued and by listening to someone, you indicate that what they have to say is important to you. Unfortunately, most people prefer talking to listening and very little emphasis is put on the art of listening. I wonder how many people plan pauses and rhetorical questions in advance of their business meetings? Perhaps a few, but not as many as those who spend hours dreaming up intelligent things to say.
People who are sincere really mean what they say. You can see the alignment between their words, their physiology and their emotions. You can just tell that they really care and truly believe in what they're saying.
When empathy is combined with sincerity, a great deal of rapport is created. That sense of being on the same wavelength. The opposite is also true; when people show little or no interest in you, you can only assume that you are of little importance to them. If you take a moment to think about who your best friends are and how they treat you, I bet that the ones you most enjoy spending time with are those who give you the gift of their attention; the ones who are genuinely interested in you.
Herein lies the secret to making friends and influencing people, which was written about by Dale Carnegie in the 1930s!
Similarly, Aristotle gave the equation Empathy + Sincerity = Persuasion. For him persuasion meant a shift in attitude. You can feel this shift when you call up a company to complain about something and they are so courteous and thorough that you end up liking the company even more- unfortunately, companies like these are few and far between. Abel and Cole and Newnet are the two I've experienced best customer service from in recent months. On these occasions, it appears as if their only concern is you and there's nothing like feeling valued, is there?
Take Confidence in your Stride
Posted on Wednesday, December 07, 2011 by Positivevoice
One of the best ways to become a confident communicator is to shift your focus away from yourself and how you feel and on to other people. I often say a little prayer before working with a client and ask that I may help them as much as possible; this shifts my focus away from myself and on to my client almost immediately. In this way, I am able to give them my all, and when I do this my ego drops away; I become far removed from myself and my feelings and all that is left is my strong intention to help another. It is only in this way that I can coach with absolute confidence.
If you are one of those people who often walks around lost in your own negative thoughts, a great way to practice externalising your focus would be to really look at the world around you by taking in the sights, smells and sounds of your environment. In doing this, you will break the repetitive pattern of thoughts that are, in part, causing your uncertainty. Another way would be to ask questions in social situations and then to really listen to the responses, whilst taking in everything about the person who is speaking; the tone and timbre of their voice, the expression on their face and the content of their speech.
Once you have become proficient at externalising your focus, I challenge you to confront any fears you have about communicating with others. You can do this by taking yourself out of your usual comfort zone, whilst remaining emotionally detached. Notice your emotions as they surface; view them objectively without labelling them as good or bad, say thank you to them and smile because they are the signal that you are about to grow.
Emotions are just your body's way of sending you signals; without these signals, how would you know when to change direction? And if you were to stand still all your life, you would stagnate. Nothing would challenge you and without challenges you wouldn't have the opportunity to grow. So, you see, it is through this detached form of self awareness that you can follow the signs and, in so doing, continue to grow and develop, which is just so important. As William. S Burroughs so famously said 'When you stop growing, you start dying'. So, face your fears. Do it with faith and emotional detachment and you will soon see your confidence levels beginning to rise.
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