People often ask me how best to manage their staff or deliver constructive criticism without causing offence.

The quick way:

Sandwich your constructive criticism between honest praise or compassion.

1. Commendation: Offer a commendation by praising them for something they do well or thanking them for doing something. This could be about their punctuality, presentability or the fact that they just made you a cup of tea!

2. Constructive criticism: Ask them about the problem rather than launching straight into accusations or say: 'you're doing well and I'd like to see you doing even better' (notice how I use 'and' in place of 'but'- 'but' always negates what comes before and should be avoided.

3. Commendation: Finish by saying something pleasant, by praising or thanking them. This may seem foreign to start with, but will keep them motivated. Criticism can often perpetuate a problem and demotivate, so this last step is crucial.

As I said, this is the quick way. You can keep people motivated by highlighting the good things they do on a daily basis. Interestingly, a lot of managers only point out the negatives, which can lead to low self esteem and under performance.

Give this more supportive approach a try and notice the results. You may, initially, find it easier in writing... But keep practicing and you'll soon become extremely competent.

When I first started training people in public speaking and communication skills, I did so without the aid of my therapeutic tool kit. I found again and again that people had to let go of limiting thoughts and self judgement before they were able to stand up and enjoy the process of speaking. Fortunately, I now have the knowledge to enable people to achieve this.

Here is a poem that my good friend and poet, Mark Jeoffroy, wrote for me, which really sums up the process of gaining emotional balance, which is necessary if we are to enjoy life.

Loves Infinite

Return to the heart.
Into the quiet
Into the love
Into the infinite

Choose to go there.
Relinquish your judgemental pain-
Return to the heart.

How much more simple it is there!
How much quieter
How much smarter

Put your judgements away and rest
Into the heart of the present
Where love is-

Taste it's nectar.
Let it make you a loving being-
Loved and loving.

Throw away
Your poverty,
And come into the riches
Of the house of the heart.

Where there is nor I nor me
Nor lavish dependence
On others love
Nor limiting words

Just a heart heated
By the joy of love now.
Will you exchange poverty for riches?

Again and again
Return there-
Return to the heart-
Return to love's infinite

Mark Jeofferoy 2010

One of the most effective things you can do when speaking in public is to focus on your audience.

Not only will they enjoy it more, but you will feel much more confident.

When you speak with your audience in mind, you make things relevant. Ask them questions, and your presentation becomes even more relevant. Refer to people in your audience to grab people's attention

Shifting your focus away from yourself will also help you to feel more confident and relaxed. All of the above tactics also create a greater sense of rapport.

The secret then, is to make your presentation relevant and interactive by externalising your focus.

How do you decide whether a speaker is weak or powerful? What one thing makes a difference for you?

I teach various techniques to empower speakers, and for me the most powerful one is rapport...

If you have really great rapport with your audience, you can even get away with leaving out a few of the fundamentals- some of the best speeches I have heard have been from untrained speakers who candidly told their story.

When someone is genuine and shares their values and opinions, it can be truly captivating.

How does one do this, you may ask?

There is very little difference between a great speech and a good conversation. All you need do is raise the volume slightly, so that everyone can hear your wonderfully genuine tone. You can even leave pauses as if your listeners might interject. This is a great way to create suspense and also allows time for your audience to digest what you are saying.

In my opinion, the difference between the mediocre and the great is rapport. To engage your audience, speak with them in mind, really relate to them and pull their heart strings.

As I journey through London, I often overhear conversations that make me cringe.
‘I’ll try and get there on time’ (try is code for ‘not succeed’)
‘Why can’t you be more helpful?’ (‘why’ invites excuses and this question is focused completely on the problem)
Why are you so angry? (Again, ‘why’ invites excuses and this is a complete ‘mind read’- how do you know its anger, it could be disappointment or any other kind of emotion) Using ‘clean language’ is essential in coaching and is considered particularly important amongst people who work in the field of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). When we are careful about the language we use, we avoid imposing our map of the world on to other people. After all, what is one man’s disaster could be perceived as a blessing to another. In this way, we reach the truth and enable people to come up with solutions that work for them.

To this end, ask open ended questions, such as:
How do you feel about that?
What do you think about that?
What is x (use their word) like?
What does that mean to you?
And what happens in these situations?
And what happens then?
And what’s that like?
And what else?
I challenge you to use more ‘clean language’ at home and at work. The results might suprise you!

Thank you to all those of you who came to this weekend's retreat. It was a really lovely, relaxing weekend and i think we all learnt a great deal.

During the course of the weekend, one thing kept coming up; 'I'll be happy when... i get married... i have children... get a promotion... or move abroad'. If you say this, you're actually putting off being happy. It's almost like your happiness is 'on hold' until you 'arrive'. As my good friend, Fran Fowler, (author of 'Your Life Sucks') said on Sunday, 'You're never going to arrive!' You see, as we attain our goals, they are merely replaced with higher, more challenging ones. It is human nature to keep setting higher goals due to an inherent desire to grow. As William S. Burroughs famously put it in 1953 'When you stop growing, you start dying'.

So, where does this leave us?

I believe goal-setting and growing to be incredibly important, but our lives must be balanced with relaxation, fun and above all, passion. Far too many people push their passions to one side, thinking that they are not as important as more serious goals, such as saving up for a house, paying the mortgage or advancing in their careers. If you do this, please ask yourself: 'Does this make me happy?'. If it does, then that is great and you need read no further.

If it doesn't: I challenge you to make a list of all the things that make you happy and to tick at least one off everyday! You never know, you may even realise that you have already been making time for some of the things that make you happy. Either way, compile your list and take some time to reflect. I know it seems very simple, but i think you'll find that some of the most effective exercises are!

Have a wonderful week :)

Recently, I was coaching someone who didn't know exactly what she wanted me to work on. so before we could begin, we were faced with the challenge of tapping into her inner knowingness of what was right for her on that particular day. Without even realising it, we had hit the nail on the head!
She soon realised that what she needed was the ability to access that still place within, no matter what was going on around her; to access that 'inner knowingness' and to feel at peace with the knowledge that everything is just as it is meant to be. A week later, I received a card saying that she felt 'at peace and guided'.

This morning, I had the realisation that we can all feel like this. Where there is a part of you that is in turmoil, there is another that is in perfect peace. All you need to do is still your mind and it will obediently come to the surface.

Meditation is key here. I will be teaching some techniques at this weekend's retreat in Shepherds bush. We have 1 place left. Please do visit the following page if you are interested in attending: http://positivevoice.co.uk/group-workshops