Yesterday I was teaching a 6 year old child to improve his voice and confidence. I don’t usually work with children this young, but he is home schooled and incredibly intelligent.

I taught him a couple of little techniques and gave him an impromptu topic to speak about. So, he had no preparation time, just the structure for a good presentation. I obviously had to keep it really simple, as he is only 6 years old. The process I gave him worked really well, so I thought I would share it with you.

Ask a ‘special question’: This is just a rhetorical question/ normal question/ raise your hand if…

He seemed to love the ‘raise your hand if’ option and beamed each time he asked the question, raising his own hand, as I had (Children like fun things and SO do adults)

“ Raise your hand if you like Spiderman” (one example)

A story about you and the topic. The more detail you can add in, the better.

A question about the audience and the topic- in the future.

“I wonder whether you will still like Superman in the future?”

As I said, this is so simple that even a 6 year old can do it. You can obviously add in more interaction and rhetorical questions or even quotes. Questions show a high regard for your audience and help them to relate the topic to themselves. This is my reasoning for placing one at the beginning and one at the end. This draws the audience in and then leaves them with something to reflect on.

For more detailed methods about public speaking, click on: Previous blogs

What would you say if I told you that you were constantly re-affirming your strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes? In affect, you are constantly creating (and if you are pro-active; re-creating) yourself.

When someone asks you whether you are a good dancer, what do say?

When someone asks you whether you are good with your finances, what do you say?

When someone asks you whether you are a confident speaker, what do you say?

Look at your answers and ask yourself whether they are a reflection of your reality?

You see, you have within yourself two parts: the 'Thinker' and the 'Prover': what the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves.

If you say to yourself often enough that 'you can do something', this will become your reality. Equally, if someone else tells you that you are not good at something, if you believe them, then this can also become your reality. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, speaks about how parents and teachers often cast 'black magic' on children by telling them what they can and can not do, by encouraging or discouraging them.

I often encounter people who believe that they cannot dance, or sing, or speak in public. If you are one of these people, I challenge you by suggesting that the only thing stopping you from fulfilling your potential is your beliefs about your ability. If you change your beliefs, then and only then, will you be able to change your reality.

You are not just the sum of your experiences, as I often say; you are the sum of your thoughts, feelings and words about these experiences.

So, in order to start changing your reality, start changing your thoughts, feelings and words!

You may well ask me how you can do this. My answer:

STOP

REJECT

RE PHRASE, RE THINK, RE FEEL!

This may not come easily, but do you think it was easy for Sir Edmund Hilary to climb Mount Everest when it had never been done before? Not easy perhaps, but definitely worth it!

One of the best ways to become a confident communicator is to shift your focus away from yourself and how you feel and on to other people. I often say a little prayer before working with a client and ask that I may help them as much as possible; this shifts my focus away from myself and on to my client almost immediately. In this way, I am able to give them my all, and when I do this my ego drops away; I become far removed from myself and my feelings and all that is left is my strong intention to help another. It is only in this way that I can coach with absolute confidence.

If you are one of those people who often walks around lost in your own negative thoughts, a great way to practice externalising your focus would be to really look at the world around you by taking in the sights, smells and sounds of your environment. In doing this, you will break the repetitive pattern of thoughts that are, in part, causing your uncertainty. Another way would be to ask questions in social situations and then to really listen to the responses, whilst taking in everything about the person who is speaking; the tone and timbre of their voice, the expression on their face and the content of their speech.

Once you have become proficient at externalising your focus, I challenge you to confront any fears you have about communicating with others. You can do this by taking yourself out of your usual comfort zone, whilst remaining emotionally detached. Notice your emotions as they surface; view them objectively without labelling them as good or bad, say thank you to them and smile because they are the signal that you are about to grow.

Emotions are just your body's way of sending you signals; without these signals, how would you know when to change direction? And if you were to stand still all your life, you would stagnate. Nothing would challenge you and without challenges you wouldn't have the opportunity to grow. So, you see, it is through this detached form of self awareness that you can follow the signs and, in so doing, continue to grow and develop, which is just so important. As William. S Burroughs so famously said 'When you stop growing, you start dying'. So, face your fears. Do it with faith and emotional detachment and you will soon see your confidence levels beginning to rise.

People often ask me how best to manage their staff or deliver constructive criticism without causing offence.

The quick way:

Sandwich your constructive criticism between honest praise or compassion.

1. Commendation: Offer a commendation by praising them for something they do well or thanking them for doing something. This could be about their punctuality, presentability or the fact that they just made you a cup of tea!

2. Constructive criticism: Ask them about the problem rather than launching straight into accusations or say: 'you're doing well and I'd like to see you doing even better' (notice how I use 'and' in place of 'but'- 'but' always negates what comes before and should be avoided.

3. Commendation: Finish by saying something pleasant, by praising or thanking them. This may seem foreign to start with, but will keep them motivated. Criticism can often perpetuate a problem and demotivate, so this last step is crucial.

As I said, this is the quick way. You can keep people motivated by highlighting the good things they do on a daily basis. Interestingly, a lot of managers only point out the negatives, which can lead to low self esteem and under performance.

Give this more supportive approach a try and notice the results. You may, initially, find it easier in writing... But keep practicing and you'll soon become extremely competent.

This exercise is for all those who have been working with me over the last few weeks:

If we haven't worked together yet, you may want to go back through my blogs and complete a few more exercises before you do this.

Imagine that you're in a situation, which, in the past would have made you feel inappropriate levels of uncertainty within yourself.

Maybe you've just arrived at a party or maybe you're waiting for your turn to speak in a meeting.

See what you see, hear what you hear and feel what you feel now.

Where are these old feelings now? Are they there or have they gone?

One of the most important things in life is LOVE. When there is love, all else loses importance.

One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to inject more positivity and love into the way you view life.

Feel compassion for someone who is unkind, angry or grumpy because you don't HAVE to go home with them, but they have to go home with themselves. In fact, they have to spend 24 hours a day in their own company.

We have a saying in NLP, which is that 'you are not your behaviour'. This means that we're all doing the best we can with the resources we've got at any given time. Sometimes people get tired or stressed and they say things that they wouldn't when they're at their best.

As Buddha famously says: There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

Cultivate a positive attitude. Remember that saying: Every cloud has a silver lining!

Psychology claims that there are three roles we can play in life:

The Victim

The Rescuer

The Persecutor

These roles can become a little like the Seven dwarfs. Some people associate so much with one of these roles that it actually becomes their personality.
Then they are stuck in a rut of blaming, complaining or taking people's power away by helping them so much that they never have the opportunity to help themselves.

The key here is to step aside and shake off the unwanted outfit that has started to fit so well and become an adult. Adults take responsibility for their own actions. Adults always see a silver lining and they get things done.

Be aware of yourself and your reactions when it matters most and keep an eye on your emotions. When you get depressed- the victim is probably out and about, when you get angry, you're probably becoming a persecutor. When you feel strong, empowered and energetic, you're most likely to be the adult in the driver's seat - stand tall and proud when you're here. Recognise that you are the adult now because otherwise you wouldn't be reading this!

You may remember me saying that the antonym of confidence is uncertainty.

What are you currently doing to bring more certainty into your life?

What are you going to do?

When are you going to do this?

How will you do it?

Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine you've just given the most inspirational and memorable speech. It surpassed the expectations of all those who attended. All the important people in your life are there. You've just walked off stage. You're on an absolute high. The stage lights beam down a warm peaceful energy, which fills your being. You can't see anyone, but you can sense their appreciation. You're asked to walk back on stage to take your applause. As you walk to the middle of the stage the lights emit a warm, friendly glow. Calming and soothing you. There is an air of gratitude and appreciation all around you.

As the applause increases, you feel your energy increasing. Imagine it fizzing up inside your stomach, just like a bath bomb does. This is a fizz of positive energy, though, which fills you being. You may even feel a smile grow on your face. Enjoy this moment. You deserve it. Slowly people walk up on to stage, as they move closer you recognise them. Your close friends and family are all around you now. Notice the expressions on their faces and the way they congratulate you. Maybe they give you a hug or shake your hand.